Profilectlx.Carlene Tan Li Xuan 11th July 1988. Currently 23+. Studied in St. Anthony's Canossian Primary and Secondary School, SRJC (first 3 months), TPJC, NUS FASS (econs). loves family, friends, chocs, western desserts, yellow, etc etc.
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Monday, September 26, 2005one of the topics discussed during my GP lesson today, not intending to elaborate on it. in fact i only entitle my entry that cause i.. don't really have anything else to name it. haha...alright, today was my breakdown day, guess i had been accumulating these horrible emotions for way too long... well, it all started out after physics spa which i totally screwed up. big time. no doubt bout it, i was so freaking lost. big SIGH for that. ah wells, i guess i can only hope for the best. after that it was alright, out for lunch with cheryl, janice and chao liang, then went back to school to study. was hoping cheryl could be there cause i wasn't in exactly a good mood cause of spa and some other reason, and as we all know, only best friends know how to keep u burning, but she went to play squash instead. ah well, i thought i'd be alright. then kr called to say he may not be joining me cause the weather was hot and i couldn't disagree. so ya, alright, so ya, left 2 pple. the weather was bad, the stress kills, and not having anyone u want to beside u really sucked. honest, mei yi was having lessons, so ya, to add on, the music i was listening to totally triggered everything off, the music was melancholic, and sad. SAD. that's the thing. yup, so i cried. tried to hide it but to no avail, got caught in the end cause of my naughty nose who decides to betray me every single time i tear. i mean i didn't really cry, was just yup. tearing away.. haha.. yup.. so i ended up scaring quite a few pple. thanks to all for ur concern, really apprecite it. yup yup... thank u... oh and to -, here's a message for u: i really appreciate ur help time and time again when i needed help, but honestly i really didn't need all the hoo-ha today, i mean i was alright, i seriously was, and i didn't mean to throw my temper at u, but u touching my head really pissed me off. i hate it. and i was alright, and i know myself best, there is no need for u to keep insisting that i'm not. yup. but anyhow, i really appreciated all ur help. and there's another thing that bothers me, and that is the fact that i reserve the rights to tell u stuff, as in, there are some things i won't tell u, and vice versa, it isn't cause u aren't trustworthy but honestly there isn't any need to so ya, and there are some stuff which are secrets within my besties and i so i naturally wouldn't tell u so pls stop insisting or giving a face each time i refuse to tell u things. THAT really turns me off. yup, but all in all, u make a really helpful friend. thanks again, and i hope u won't take my words too harshly. yup, i guess that's all i've got to say, don't worry peeps, i won't ever break down in school again. promise, even if i ever do, it'll be out fo public eye. don't want to cause any more worries. yups... take care pple!! and dun ever bottle up everything inside ok,its not good at all, if u ever need me, i'm here 24/7 and u know that... =) Sunday, September 25, 2005alright... see that... STRESS... super duper quardruple stressed up. i know many many people arh. sigh.. but i know we'll all pull through cause everyone's working their butt's off... maybe with an exception of me.. but ah wells. i am TRYING though.. keke..hm... so haven't come online for quite a few days cause i was downstairs attempting... ATTEMPT if i may repeat... to study... e-field is a major killer, i took many many hours just to do MCQ and trying to comprehand the answers.. oh ya!!!! i FINALLY got a NEW pencil case today.. whee!!! wanna know the words on it.. it says "gurls rox.... yup yup" so cute rite.. just like me... haha... er, what else, erm, i got my chem guide book. quite happy with that, and got my pen refills! hehe... mei yi ps me for training today.. i was ALONE. and rather pissed off with some pple initially. but probably cuase i was pmsing. er, lightened up after that while playing doubles... had to partner li dan. erm, i lost all my matches for singles games. sad i know, think i suck now. hai.. alright, training super duperly hard after promos, if i still have the mood and not die after that that is.. haha... okay, so i think i got something to say to mei yi's mr.a and that is, stop misunderstanding her good intentions, i tell u arh, from the very start she just wants u to be happy and there u r, saying stuff that keeps hurting her.. poor child.. and u seem obliviant to it... that's what's nost pissing. naughty boy. yup, mei yi, no worries, u have millions of suitors out there as usual, =) u'll get the most perfect 1 after getting hurt so many times.. i'm sure bout that... take care girl... tata! Sunday, September 18, 2005just came back from lunch, had training this morning. experience some unpleasant stuff but spotted a mini hero... haha... it started like this...there's this 2 boys in my badminton class, let me name them A and B. A is a very hot tempered boy, extremely hot tempered, forever geared up for a fight, very violent. B is a boy who has a horribly foul mouth, exactly like someone... oops... haha.. but really very bad, even though he knows that he has pissed off someone he still doesn't bother to shut up but just continues non-stop... rather irritating. so didn't exactly know what happened, but all i only saw the start of the fight whilst doing pumpings. A started kicking B hard on the shin and ouch but ya, he was saying stuff like "u lose ur problem, just because ur mother didn't teach u manners its not my problem etc etc." and B was simply smiling to himself. and with his foul mouth he just decided to open it and say something insulting like when A stared at him, he went "stare what stare, stare ur mother no hair arh" didn't quite get what that meant but ah wells, sounded insulting enough to me, i mean no matter what happens, no one should ever insult the other party's family. THAT is horrible. so of course A was pissed, and ya, the fight started. then out of the blue, this guy in he class just stepped forward and held A whilst B was frantically walking away saying more and more stuff. let's call the hero C. C was sp brave, he just held A so tight and refuse to let go even though A hit him on the lips. they wrestled to the floor, and i could tell C was rather hurt but he didn't let go nevertheless. he held on tight, and even though A screamed at him, he just yelled back "fight wad fight" whils A continued to say, "i hate it when pple do this to me..." but he held on tight and it all ended... aw... my hero. i think he's either sec 2 or 3, i asked the other boy and he said C is in NPCC so quite strong. but oh man, u should have seen how fearless he stepped out to help. i mean it didn't even have anything to do with him.. and i was just thinking, how many singaporean guys now would actually step out to stop a fight and hold on so tightly even though they know they'd get hurt. how many would be brave enough to enter something that doesn't even concern them and say it straight that fighting is not a way to solve problems. i was really touched. hope i can find someone like that... *chuckles* but ah well, just a bit hua chi and feel so proud i've met someone like that. *2 thumbs up for that guy* wohoo!!! haha... so that's "my hero"... hm... let me go back to yesterday. got my drama results back. got 75 out of 100, 5 more marks to a distinction, currently i have a merit. which is really much better than what i expected cause i expected only a pass... i ought to be very happy but somehow i was just alright, and my parents were surprised. i mean ah wells, i dunno what's gotten into me, maybe i was just super worried about promos. and ya, its approaching so very fast and i'm no where near to finish revision. i'm seriously screwed. think i'll do worse than common test. argh!!! help. i just hope there's some injection stuff that i can use to injext knowledge inside. i mean its not like i dun want to study but... argh!!! its S.T.R.E.S.S all the way man... miss the times in SAC so very much... another matter, there's this girl in class that everyone don't really fancy, and u know the ironic part, the things she and i do are exactly the same, but somehow pple can tolerate me more... y? or maybe they can't but they don't say it.. whatever it is, i just really hope i won't become like her... please tell me if i am ok... i mean i'm seriously rather stupid at times as u all know... =X so anyways, i'm rather much done with what i have to say... so take care everyone... love ya loads!!! Friday, September 16, 2005THIS is an inside joke that only my clique will know... its super funny, laughed at it the WhOLE day... hahaha... oh! and not forgetting "little" red riding hood.. whee!! i guess these are the times where u can really relax in all the tense stressful environment in JC. and to my dearest classmate Di, relax girl.. we will all work hard together.. jia you!!! its odd to see u smiling less and less and looking more and more stress... we'll make it for sure...and u know what, i realise ToLeRaNcE is a major virtue we should all posses, cause otherwise life would be really unbreearable, not like it already isn't but still... REN... haha... i think i'm becoming very impatient. can't teach people properly without feeling frustrated.. sheesh... patience is a virtue as well.. gotta get tt otherwise i'll die early and lose all my friends.. haha... so odd.. u know the irony when pple complain to me about some1... the irony is that whatever actions the person do is deemed irritating, but then it somehow always sounds like what i usually do... =X, thankfully, i guess i'm a little more lovable? ah wells, whatever it is, i guess i sort of empathise her for being that way, and i hope she'll meet someone who'll be able to change her. i still can't bear to see anyone with a sad ending can i... came back from studying i school just now, wasn't as productive, guess the next thing i'm gonna study is phy. gotta rush through all my subjects, shouldn't even be here online now. ought to be off studying... so take care everyone! all the best in studying... jia you!!! Wednesday, September 14, 2005i pray that everyone taking exams will be working hard now and not slacking, and that we will have the power to sit and work really hard. i pray that my sis can pass her piano exam and so can i. i pray that everyone will have the power to press on. i pray i will have more self discipline to work hard and stop slacking. i pray that everyone will be happy. i pray i can help more pple, esp pulling people together.. hehe.. my favourite hobby.. whee! i pray of course to be a better person. =) i want to pray for all my friends all over that they are doing well and may they continue to be blessed in whatever they do..yesterday was really a scare. i had my piano exam yesterday, and i wasn't horrified over it though i don't really have high hopes on passing but my sister scared me even more. her exam was at 3.45 and she was to be there by 3.30 latest, but at 3.40 she still wasn't there, and it was atrocious i was panicking like hell, and i kept praying and praying and praying, i don't think i ever prayed so much before but the prayers worked, so i'm really grateful about that, she came running the the exam center at the last minute. i was really really relieved. so she went it but guess what, i thought all horror was over, but no.. she came out crying. i could feel my heart sink when i saw her lar, i nearly died seriously, had no idea what was going on. apparently she forgot all her modulation stuff so ya, but thankfully i hope her pieces can save her cause she said she didn't really make many mistakes so i'm just betting on that, that it will pull her through. currently into this rather long ago song "jiang nan" by can't remember his name. only know how to say it in chinese. its damn nice. super addicted thanks to mei yi who introduced the song to me. super addictive, though i don't really get the meaning but ah wells.. haha.. listening to it for the dunno how many time today. i think near 25 times.. =X ok, other than that, my sis had drama today and she lost her phone. some indian man stole it. he even had the cheek to pick up my mum's call and u know wad he said. he told her he'd return the phone at about 7p.m, and told her not to cancel the line. he called her a second time to tell her again not to cancel the line but my mum did in the end. after an hour and a half tt is... i wonder how much he spent.. hm... anyways, at least my sis is safe, tt's the important thing i guess... ah well.. loads of stuff going on in my life, but ah wells, trying really hard to just concentrate on promos first and not get distracted which apparently isn't working too well.. =( anyways, to everyone else.. do take care.. god bless! Sunday, September 11, 2005i'm bloody tired today, just came back from training not long ago, and its super super tiring, well maybe cause i slept only near 4a.m this morning and woke up at 8 so tt's y i'm so drained. have been sleeping that late and waking up that early. been trying to mug at the macs downstairs, somehow, my eyes are wide open, but nothing goes in. rather sad. ought to find a more effective method of studying. guess i better turn in early tonight if i want to pay attention in class tomorrow.kinda missed playing badminton, seems my skills are deproving fast, rather upset about that, but i guess i'll do loads of catching up after promos end. missed my friends a lot, missed SAC a lot a lot. back then life was so much happier. maybe not as "exciting" as now, but definitely memorable and a place i will never forget. i brought out too many things from there. attained so much values that are priceless. perhaps SAC wasn't outstanding in terms of acedemics, but the girls from there are definitely different from many other girls. and i'm glad we're this way, cause otherwise, the world would be rather mundane(like it isn't already is) but imagine life even more mundane, that would be unbearable wouldn't it. i guess 1 big leap that SAC girls have to go through is adjusting themselves to a whole new environment where life doesn't only revolve around girls and relationships become a major headache. its a whole new kind of feeling, be it bitter or sweet, its odd to see how some of my schoolmates could get into it so fast, and i must say, my dear mei yi has this urge to experience it.. haha! alright its understandable i guess. but its scary, once u get into it, its so.. ah well... whatever it may be. i guess for now, i ought to just study study study if i want to get promoted. haha.. happy studying peeps.. jia you jia you! Saturday, September 10, 2005just had my piggie nap.. haha.. was studying just now with mei yi and realised that phy is so erm... scary? got so much stuff to learn.. i was reading the guide book actually and its really.. wo-hoo... crap.. so anyways.. ya..got something to tell this someone who'll most probably never read this but heck, i can't possibly leave my thoughts unwritten can i.. = hm.. first, if u really think that us not talking and ignoring is the best solution and its going to make u much happier, then i will play along. i just want you to be happier lar ok, cause u're my friend, and no amount of "insults" is going to make me hate u or not talk to u ever again, cause too bad i'm thick skinned by nature... haha... anyways i really have no idea why u're so unhappy with me, and if u're never going to tell me then i'll never know. u keep saying i won't understand and that i shouldn't know but i don't see why. how bout take it that by letting me know then i can learn to improve and then i'll irritate less pple, and if u don't then i'll continue to b an irritant, just think of the opportunity cost.. besides i think i have the right to know what's wrong. i mean if someone's pissed at u, wouldn't u want to know why? yup, u're right, we think differently, very differently but that doesn't mean we can't mix and mingle, if people of different race and religion can come to a mutual understanding, i dun see why pple with different ideologies can't. perhaps i didn't turn out to be as nice as u percieved so tt's y u're disappointed, but i did try to tell u i'm not such a nice person. i just do what i believe is right, and i have reasons in every single thing i do, i just want the best for everyone, i just want everyone to be happy so in turn, it could make me happy as well.. tt's all.. just wish u'd understand... = Friday, September 09, 2005i'm soooo glad they're okay ready.. hey girl, gotta apologize, i was partly to blame at those smses u sent him... sorry ya.. i'm glad everything's alright now... yuppie!!! super happy for her. the past few days were rather unbearable cause she wasn't her usual self... back to normal again.. yuppie!!! see, and to think he thought she didn't care.. dumb guy... haha...today's studying was not bad, managed to do quite a few stuff.. no. by right, i only did math.. haha.. but not bad lar, did quite a few questions.. gotta speed up if i want to finish revision on time. today, it was me cheryl mei yi yogi and chao liang. missing one from yesterday. tt guy has patience, taught mei yi over and over again, and his handwriting rocks lar, super artistic.. really really nice... got loads of food thanks to chao liang. loads of chocs, die, think i'm growing horizontally really fast.. haha. just came back from piano not long ago.. kinda sucky, i played horribly compared to my sis.. felt so demoralised. and to think piano exam's on tues.. shucks.. sigh... in the mugging mood lately, hope its working and useful. not just mug and nothing goes in.. haha.. ah wells.. shall end here.. take care!! Don't speak by No Doubt You and me We used to be together Every day together always I really feel That I’m losing my best friend I can’t believe This could be the end It looks as though you’re letting go And if it’s real, Well I don’t want to know Don’t speak I know just what you’re saying So please stop explaining Don’t tell me ’cause it hurts Don’t speak I know what you’re thinking I don’t need your reasons Don’t tell me ’cause it hurts Our memories They can be inviting But some are altogether Mighty frightening As we die, both you and i With my head in my hands I sit and cry Don’t speak I know just what you’re saying So please stop explaining Don’t tell me ’cause it hurts no no no Don’t speak I know what you’re thinking And I don’t need your reasons Don’t tell me ’cause it hurts It’s all ending, I gotta stop pretending who we are... You and me I can see us dying... are we? Don’t speak I know just what you’re saying So please stop explaining Don’t tell me ’cause it hurts Don’t speak I know what you’re thinking I don’t need your reasons Don’t tell me ’cause it hurts Don’t tell me ’cause it hurts I know just what you’re saying So please stop explaining Don’t speak don’t speak don’t speak No I know what you’re thinking And I don’t need your reasons I know you good I know you good I know you real good oh La la la la la la la la la Don’t don’t ooh ooh Hush hush darling Hush hush darling Hush hush don’t tell me ’cause it hurts Hush hush darling Hush hush darling Hush hush don’t tell me ’cause it hurts Saturday, September 03, 2005went to study with mei yi and cheryl at macs this morning. mei yi was as usual late, she said she'd be here by 9? but she came at about 10.. haha.. 1 hour isn't too bad i guess? hehe.. cheryl joined us at about 11, and we ate out "brunch" which was totally fattning. all of us had warm milo cause we were freezing inside. can't say i did a lot in 2 hours or so, just started on organic chem, attempted to draw some tables but to no avail obviously. so ya, decided to use the com now... haha...went for drama at about 4, and poor sherlyn lost her voice and our exam's on tues! sheesh, hope she'll be alright by tomorrow. and i hope my dear friend at camp is survivng.. haha.. i'll keep u 2 in my prayers! i hope everything turns a'ok on mon. guess i wouldn't be going for drama on mon, too sick of my pieces suddenly, think i'm deproving every lesson. got to take a break before the exam i guess? ah well.. breathe. really afraid, just hope i can pass BOTH my piano and drama. *shivers* ok, guess that's nearly about all. take care everyone, especially my dear friend sherlyn, must get well soon.. =) Friday, September 02, 2005sometimes, u just can't understand someone to the extent you feel like slapping them. ok, i admit, sometimes i don't get how guys think, and i guess it isn't my fault cause i come from an all girls' school? then again, i have no idea why they never fail to sigh when talking to me.. hm... and right, people keep telling me i won't understand this i won't understand that, but the point is, they don't even make an effort to try and make me understand so how would i ever learn. right? it's so irritating when people keep making assumptions, and their assumptions are probably based on some stuff they see, and what they think, which is seriously dumb, can't take it.okay, wanted to say some stuff then realise i forgot...again.. haha! so i guess i'm off now.. take care!! ok! i'm back cause i remembered what i wanted to say... i went back to my alma mater today; SAC. how i miss the place like crazy. i seriosuly do. being there again was just like being in my little palace.a place of no worries, of fun, laughter, peace and joy and all the problems we use to get frustrated over suddenly seemed so meagre. so insignificant. and now, the problems we face are like, mountains, never ending, 5 min thinking won't do, we gotta constantly ask each other, turn to each other for constant support, tt's how life is now. how we all wish we could live in the past, but i guess, somehow u just gotta move on because if we stay stagnant, we'll never discover anything new, and we'll always be in that sheltered home, but who wouldn't want it that way right... sigh.. at least i know deep down, there'll foreve be this little palace i can go to whenever i want. |